Blind spot

Everyday I scroll down my timeline and see awesome pics of people sharing their significant others…and saying nice things about them…and just gushing all over.  I just scroll through it as if it doesn’t matter….but I think it actually bothers me…

 

I was never the type to gush over anyone I felt like that showed weakness…maybe it was my upbringing or something I went through in my younger days.

I always want to be hugged, loved and slowly I just became a Blind Spot..

 

How did I become a blind spot to someone? What happened to loving me? What happened to showing me? what happened to just noticing me…I guess things weren’t meant to be.

 

Some day people got in the way and others don’t think so………

 

Today – I realized I became your blind spot…

😐

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Empty Stares..empty meanings.

Sometimes you don’t need to even say a word anymore to know that things are kind of sort of over.

I have starred at how you look at me….and I know you would wish to have someone else there and not me. I have seen embarrassment in your eyes.. and yet I stayed…Why?

 

Well maybe because I thought that one day you would look at me differently,

I thought one day you would look at me happy and excited, but instead I got empty stares. It took me thing long to realize that I have to let this go so both you and I can find what truly makes us happy.

I want someone who looks at me and stops and stares with love-

I hope someone one day overlooks everything negative about me and just really embraces what is deep inside. I have so much love to give to the right human, but maybe right now its not the time…..maybe you will see how much an empty stare can do to someone…..

 

I don’t even want to fight, I just want to be happy & I want you to be happy tooo!

I said I wouldn’t beg, and I won’t… my life seems to want to fly north right now……..

someone lead me to a good book to read? ?

 

 

 

I knew, know, will know

I always wanted to be the one to not know…

I always wanted to be the one to hide my fears, scars and what hurt….

I did for so long….

 

I told my self maybe one day I will be grown and big and that day is here.

 

I am alone and I want to move on to the next life. how do I do that??? someone message me …how can I fall a sleep and just sleep my way in to life……….a journey where I don’t ever have to wake up in…..

 

someone please hide my pain…

 

… life a flower it all crumbles for her too

People don’t quit JOBS, they quit MANAGERS…

hahahaha

 

I have been longing to write this one post…….

 

Where do i start?… let’s see..

FACTS:

 

I wasn’t put on this earth so everyone can like me. . . i was meant to be on this earth so i can be everyone’s competition on all levels, all from LOVE to WORK.

a lot of my exes probably have new girlfriends/boyfriends whatever…doesn’t matter… everyone tries to leave the same mark………..tries to emulate me in different ways… “tries” being keyword. Truth is that not everyone can get 10% to what I was to these individuals at one time.

 

Going in to WORK…  lets see… in my last job I was seen as competition and people were afraid to lose their spot, their place… i honestly didn’t take it seriously….I knew what I was good at and I did it right …and every time I went above and beyond just a little bit more.

I had a voice…unlike someone i used to work with…. she didn’t even have a thought, I almost could of thought she was special. People like her don’t succeed….they stay there, maybe she just needs more experience and grow up some, maybe she won’t drown in her money issues once again….funny how you act like your the shit, when in reality you were sinking in shit…

This broad-ski-will learn on her own that to be like me one day you need to have balls and a voice to do things.

My manager was another loser…She didn’t know how to train anyone…I did everything on my own.

 

She was good at always talking about her colleagues and how theyre not like her ” THANK GOD” …but then it got out of line when she decided to share with me personal things.

Don’t tell me you used to fuck a manager from the MD patch then try to turn around and tell me what to do, nope…. you were lucky I DIDNT say anything to your director.

SO yes i quit you not my JOB, because I was actually readllly good at what i did…while you sat there and ran your mouth with this other GIANT loser… but guess what while you are stuck at your 9-5 … I am home working on my several business ventures…painting, cooking, cleaning, doing things i love doing… you’re 50 and you still need to be told what to do…smh.

At your age ill be traveling, and doing even way more things i love!

I hope one day you do not become a director, you are not built for that.

I ask because I know..

When someone asks you a questions or something multiple times it’s to figure out how you change your mind, story.

 

Honesty is everything, there is people out there willing to give you that and more.

I know a liar because I was really good at being it once upon a time…

 

Come correct and it will all go smooth…don’t come correct………..then obviously we all know what happens…

 

I always tell my friends… Be honest, straight forward.. say whats there.

 

Happy Friday HOES.

I have never been the one to APPROACH

I have never been the kind to approach people….because I never simply had too.

 

When you realize someone your close too used to be that way, it can be a  little scary.

Overwhelming..is a word I use very freely. . . because I hate feeling that way.

 

I am not your typical… I NEED LOVE relationships, we are going to smile day and night type of girl… I am just not..and I never will be. I need fights, disagreements, annoyance, and bickering for me to have a functional relationship.

 

I never understood men and woman who just were nice 24/7…. they had nothing to live for..it really floored me….grossed me out. I was always more keen to meeting people who had issues, problems…they were WAY more interesting……Way moreee intriguing, Way Moooreeee loving. BUT I never wanted to fix them, I was never the fixer… I just wanted to be a friend…………and some kicked me to the curb because they thought otherwise…

being single, alone, with out having sex for close to a year really made me love myself more and more… and really opened my eyes to see the world a little tilted….I liked having my alone time, no one bothering me………no one texting me…me not having to worry about anyone… That year was priceless.

I remember making friends with myself all over again…..

 

with all this being said… I am still a very independent person internally and only some have seen my weak side….those that haven’t never will.

Truth hurts- WEE WEE.

Sometimes we have to take the truth for what it is…

Some people don’t like the truth so be it… I have thick skin..tell me something I don’t already know about myself? hahah nice try.

Every time I meet someone weak, immediately I am turned off by them.

We are not put on this earth to smile to at everyone and like everyone who crosses out paths…

Truth hurts when it’s not only one other person that knows thing but also your direct PEERS… how do you come back from it? How do you tell them it’s not true? How do you tell them it was made up? You can’t.. because no one left upset at anyone…it’s just work rights…………. You speak the truth on your way out..to better the company overall.

Remember ” BUSINESS IS BUSINESS” – quote, you.

I am sorry you felt compelled to de-friend me from facebook and throw one of your tantrums. I am truly sorry but I am just making you a better person overall.

I can sit back and smile, because I just made you a better person. YOU CAN SAY THANKYOU any time now. 🙂